Deadpool Allstate Mayhem: Chalice

Officer Chalice Venerando was driving down the streets of Chicago in her squad car towards the police station with Deadpool in the backseat, handcuffed and looking at “You”.

“I’m a perp. You just arrested me for crimes that I’m not too comfortable admitting to. I have the right to remain silent but… I think that’s a right worth waiving.”
With that, Deadpool leaned back, lifted up his right foot, and began kicking at the back of the driver seat.

“Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” Deadpool asked with every kick. All the while, Chalice was clenching her teeth in angered annoyance, trying to focus on the road. Thankfully, Deadpool stopped kicking and Chalice let out a silent sigh of relief.

“You do the right thing and ignore me until I stop. Unfortunately, I don’t believe in giving up,” with that Deadpool leaned in behind the fence between him and Chalice, getting just close enough to the back of her head.

“Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?” with that, Deadpool took in a deep breath, crossed his eyes, and let out the most annoying sound in the world. “AEEEIIIHHH!!!”

Growling, Chalice turned her head to look at Deadpool over her shoulder. “SHUT YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING FACE, ASSHOLE!!!”

Deadpool stopped but didn’t flinch as he nodded his head upwards while she was distracted. “Light pole.”

Raising her eyebrow, Chalice turned around and her eyes widened once she realized she was about to collide with a light pole. She punched the brake but it was too late; the squad car crashed into the pole and the pole collapsed onto the roof while Deadpool laughed maniacally.

The pole crashing on top of the roof caused the back seat to open up and Deadpool got out of it, walking away from the crash site and looking at “You” while still handcuffed.

“And since all of the city’s money goes to gambling and the ladies of the night, if you have cut-rate insurance, you could end up paying for all this yourself. So get Allstate and better protect yourself from mayhem...” Deadpool stopped and turned around once he heard growling and saw Chalice standing outside the squad car, tense, her teeth clenched, and glaring at him with an urge to kill at maximum level.

“Like me,” Deadpool said rapidly as he turned his head and looked at “You”, the fright evident in his face, then made a run for it while still handcuffed, Chalice chasing after him with her claws out and getting closer and closer.